dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
