just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
