So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
