I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
