i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
