Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am one with the molecules
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we're so committed to being not committed
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
