I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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