She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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