you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
