Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
