Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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