I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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