this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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