the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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