is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
