WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
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THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will be naked everywhere
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories