that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"