I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now