she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....