only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.