Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
