she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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