I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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