You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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