So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
