I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Edward fifth and chaser hands
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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