conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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