it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
