Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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