I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize