I need help removing her.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
