so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
