Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
