matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
