New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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