i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
please come you make the beer taste better
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
