I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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