I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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