they call him Oral-B. enough said
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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