You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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