Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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