Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
