my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
