atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
