im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
