We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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