Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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