you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
