Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
