He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
