If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
