it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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