Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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