she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
