we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
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just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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