I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
