Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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