its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
