I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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