We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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