I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
