I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
